I’m not a Weirdo, I’m a Photographer

Everyone should get a camera. I don’t mean anything fancy or expensive, but just something besides the camera that is on your phone. Honestly, if you have a high end, new smart phone, the camera on that thing will give you pretty high quality pictures, but that is not my point. It’s not about the quality of photos and it’s certainly not about the quality of your photographic skills—it’s all about appearance.

A camera around your neck is a good gimmick if you’re trying to pick up art school girls (or guys), but I’m not necessarily talking about that either (and if you’re looking to get laid, nothing is better than the tried and true guitar). For me, a camera is less of a babe magnet and more of an invisibility cloak. It is camouflage. With a camera around my neck, I am quite obviously a photographer. I do not need a business card, or credentials, or an elaborate back-story; even passersby can tell at a glance that I am a photographer.

But I’m not! Aha, tricked ya!

Why you ask, do I want everyone to regard me as a photographer if I am not? Simple: photographers are afforded certain privileges that civilians are not. They are allowed to stop in the middle of a crowded sidewalk, wander aimlessly, gawk, stare, consider, and ogle anything and anyone; they can watch children playing and couples kissing and people talking on the phone; they can stare at clouds and reflections in store windows.

Any non-photographer that does these things is considered a weirdo, a creep, or a pervert. It’s not normal to consider the aspect of the skyline as you walk to work; it’s rude to people watch. Yet these are exactly the things I want to do! And with a camera, I can! I am a photographer, seated on the dais of art high above the floor of social norms and customs.

My camera doesn’t even have a battery in it—I lost it a long time ago. Doesn’t matter, my photos would probably be shit anyway.

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